achey breakey

i miss being happy and fun. im hoping that returns to me soon.

mamuster said that she had to pray for a change in her, not for help. i want to change. i dont really care if i change... i like change. i want to be shifted in the mind and i want to see some goals form in my future. if i have to hack off an arm that is clinging to the here and now, i would. someone just shine a spotlight on the foot that's stuck in cement, and let's take an axe to it.

Here is a song that speaks to me:
music by Dntel
singing by Jenny Lewis...

But it's just no fun
When your heart belongs to a son of a gun


A shooting rifle, a firing range
I'm pistol-whipped, I'll never be the same
But I love him, yes I do
And he's gonna do what he's gonna do
So I roll on, roll on


When I knocked you down, you called my bluff
You pushed me over, fair enough
In high schools, hospitals, on holidays
I've seen your face in every goddamn state
My overdose, it was almost too late
You said it aged you when you saw my face


And a warm bed, well that was something
And history’s horse keeps on thumping
And it rolls on, rolls on


But it’s just no fun
When you hate the person you’ve become


Bitter, lonely, and isolated, before I know it I’ll be an old maid


But I love love, yes I do
Even when its weight cripples you
It rolls on, rolls on


I never loved that other man
He’s a fairy tale that I can’t have
And now I know how a fairy tale feels
You wanna marry me, you say that I’m the real deal


And I just don’t know how I got stuck
Guess there’s muscle memory for love
And if you try hard enough
You might once again call my bluff
Or you can roll on, roll on


But it’s just no fun
When your happiness is on the run
Jumping hurdles in life’s 10k,
It’s a marathon and love’s too late


But a warm bed is as good as it gets
Let’s settle down and have a couple of kids
And do like your parents did,
Or we can roll on, roll on, roll on