Sensitivity

It's all about perspective.

For some people, the deep pains are those of losing a daddy, or a sister, or a grandmother. Or a child. For them, how can I compare my pain? It is impossible. So why should we try?

For some people, the most painful sensation was the sound of their heart cracking open and oozing unwanted love into their hands. Dripping, hot, and misplaced. Broken hearts. That hurts. But I've been blessed to not remember that feeling. If your mind is blurred from reality because your chest is stained with rejection, I'm so sorry. But I cannot sympathize with you on a realistic level. I know it will get better for you, if you work for it. Right now, though, you don't want light at the end of the tunnel. You want to wallow. Right now, I am at the end of that tunnel, looking down a dark one you can't understand. Let's not compare notes. You be sad there. I'll be sad here.

For others, you didn't get what you wanted. You worked your butt off, you sacrificed everything that you thought you were, and you let the dust pile on things that others would consider important. Important? How can they tell you what "important" is to you? You strive. You almost die for it. But you still fail. That must hurt more than you can explain. I wish there was something I could do for you. But I won't rub your back and tell you it will be okay. I mean, it will... but what does that mean to you right now? Probably nothing. Right now, you have absolutely nothing. Nothing important to you, right here in this minute. If you have family, health, and wealth, that's great. But you gave everything for success in whatever it was you were pursuing, and it didn't matter. So for now, I'll let you linger in momentary despair, and make sure you don't linger too long.

Allow me the same. Sometimes, I need a minute. I don't want to be cheered or consoled. I do appreciate words of comfort, but don't be discouraged if I don't seem encouraged right away. I can sulk, and no matter what we were taught on the playground, that is okay. I think it is, anyway. Sometimes we have bad days, or bad moments, or bad periods, and I enjoy a good wallow. Without the pain, the good times just don't seem as good. Job, I think, could vouch for me. Maybe not out loud, but he could. Don't compare apples to oranges and tell me I shouldn't be sad because other things in my life are good. Deep down, I already know that. But I am sitting in the dark, pondering how long I want to stay, and figuring out what to do to make sure this never happens again. I need my alone time, here in the pain, so that when I am ready to enter the peaceful and beautiful tomorrow, I won't take it for granted.

Maybe you think I'm a child or I just like to complain. But that's just your perspective. From this side of the shadow, I'm reveling in all the aspects of life, whether they are good or bad. Today... today was bad. And today I allowed myself to rest in the pain. Because I can see my light at the end of the tunnel, and I know I can seize it when I'm ready. It isn't often I give myself the opportunity to feel this much. So today, I was sensitive. And I am thankful that today was a bad day.