Middle School Perspectives

"Ok, definitely we need to go here." Josie nodded toward an enormous house sitting proudly in the middle of a large bare yard. This house did not fit in with the other dumpy houses that made up the town. Ellie was impressed, and slightly daunted.

"Do you know who lives there?"

"Yes," Josie replied, but she didn't take a step toward the house either. Josie set her large box of fundraiser candy on the ground to smooth down her glossy, straight black hair. Ellie had become used to her long-time friend taking more and more time to perfect her look and less and less time playing games and having fun, but she still had to suppress the urge to kick Josie's box over. At every house so far today, Josie had turned up her likability as each door would swing open, and Ellie was getting annoyed with how very little she knew of her friend. They had met as kindergardeners at church, but Josie lived in Gilroy and Ellie lived in the country and went to school in Tracy. They only saw each other once a week, Sundays. They used to hang out after church, taking turns at one another's houses, but lately Josie would have to go do homework, because she'd been hanging out with her school friends more and more. Today, however, their parents had urged them to use the fine spring day to go out and raise money for the upcoming summer camp their church was going to.

"Well, let's go then." Ellie hoisted her box under her arm and headed down the sidewalk to the newly built house.

"WAIT!" Josie was scurying behind her, and she was suddenly acting strangely again. "Wait." They stopped. "Listen, okay, this is Paula Jean's house. She's, like, the coolest person in my class."

Ellie waited. So? Is that supposed to mean something to me? Ellie was friends with everyone in her class - granted her school was much smaller and there were only 16 other 7th graders. Still, who cared? Ellie had never fully understood terms like peer pressure and popularity. Even if there were popular kids in her class, they didn't intimidate her, and maybe that was why she was able to flit from table to table at lunch, friends to all. It's not difficult, she thought. If they don't want you for who you are, why should you change yourself? But she kept her mouth shut and waited.

"Nevermind." Josie pursed her lips. She, too, had seemed slightly irritated with Ellie's lack of understanding. Middle school was so tough! Homework was harder, there was cheerleading practice and games, and then the all-consuming desire to fit in. Making friends mattered now, and if her friends were popular, it would be so much easier to get through the rest of high school. If Ellie didn't get that, couldn't she at least cut Josie a break?

"Nevermind," she repeated. "Let's just go somewhere else?"

"Why?" Ellie was obviously frustrated. "Why not here? We're already halfway up the walk."

Josie bit the inside of her lip and looked up at the house. Paula was somewhere inside, and Paula might answer the door. If Paula answered the door, Paula would see Josie with Ellie, who was wearing knee high black boots, a knee length blue skirt, and a blue tie-dyed t-shirt. She wanted to feel bad for judging her friend, but she couldn't help it. If Paula didn't like what she saw, Josie's chances of gaining friendship were nil. Nope, she was not going up to this house.

"I just don't think they'll want candy, now that I think of it," Josie said. "I think Paula said they are on a diet."

Ellie scoffed. "The whole family is on a diet?"

Josie twitched. She was caught in a lie. "Come on, Ellie, let's just go to a different house." Her eyes pleaded, but she knew she had no credit with which to bargain. She had dragged Ellie to all of her friends houses all over town, and had barely ever introduced her or included her in conversations.

Ellie wasn't about to let her buy anything on no credit. "No. This house is huge. I'm sure they'll buy some candy bars, or at least a couple because they can afford it. Let's go." Ellie turned on her heels and headed back up the sidewalk. Josie sighed heavily, calculating what to do next. But it was too late. They were standing on the stoop and Ellie was pushing the doorbell.

"You got this one, then," Josie said quickly, dropping her box next to Ellie's feet and slipping behind a large bush, out of view of the front door. She couldn't believe she was doing it, but at the moment it was worth it.

Ellie couldn't believe it either. She was stranded! By her best friend! But she didn't have time to think about it. The door made that quick sucking sound as it pulled from the doorway and behind it appeared a tall, willowy woman in a long silk bathrobe. She looked down at Ellie and raised her eye brows.
"Can I help you?" she asked in mock accomodation.

"Hi - Yes." Ellie stuttered. "Um, well, hello, my name is Ellie Johannsen, and I go to Bethel Baptist Church, and I am trying to raise money to go to church camp this summer...er... can I. Do you? Do you want to buy some candy bars? To help me raise money? For camp?" Ellie felt silly but smiled up cheerfully anyway. What did it matter to her? She didn't know this woman.

"Well." The woman looked up and over her shoulder. Behind her was a large shiny room with a grand staircase winding up to a second floor. "I'm on a diet," the woman mused to herself. Of course you are, Ellie thought. Josie smiled to herself: even if she was a coward, she was right about one thing. "Let me ask my kids if they want anything." Then abruptly the woman closed the door in Ellie's face. Ellie was stymied, but quickly turned around.

"Josie! GET out here!"

The bush trembled, but Josie did not appear.

"Jos-" But the door sucked open again and there stood three girls. The girl holding the door handle peered out at Ellie, who set her box down on top of Josie's and looked squarely back. Paula had shiny blonde hair and wore tailored jeans and a Ralph Lauren t-shirt. Behind her stood two similarly dressed girls, but obviously not family members.

"Hi, I'm Ellie, I-"

"I know, you are selling candy, what do you have?" Paula asked, shifting her gaze to the boxes. Ellie lifted a box up and presented it to Paula, who refused to take it from her. Ellie stood there, stooped in order to hold it so the girls could crowd around and look.

"You know," Paula said quietly to her friends. "Chocolate gives you zits. I don't think I want any." The girl looked up at Ellie. "Sorry. I'll see if my brother wants any." The door shut again, but opened quickly as a group of younger boys crowded around and started to take fistfulls of candy. Soon, the box she had was empty. Paula's mother presented Ellie with $30.00 and thanked her curtly before shutting the door for a final time.

Rather pleased with herself, Ellie picked up her empty box and walke down the sidewalk, leaving Josie's box and Josie in her wake. She was at the gutter by the time Josie caught up, huffing loudly.

"Well," Ellie said triumphantly. "I'm done. I guess I'll go back to your house and call my parents to come get me." She didn't look over at Josie, because for one thing, she was embarassed by the way she was acting. So cocky, and unlike herself. For another thing, she felt bad for Josie. She didn't want to admit it, but she could see that it would be rather difficult to have to deal with girls that treated other girls so cruely. On the other hand, at the moment, Josie deserved to know that she had stranded her best friend for a girl who couldn't care less about her. It was so obvious to Ellie.

"But!" Josie knew she deserved it, but she didn't think Ellie would be like that. Ellie was generally the type of person who would put up with you when you were cranky and still try to be nice. Apparently that wasn't happening now. "But! Ellie! I still have a whole box of candy to sell!"

"Not really my problem."

"Ellie! My parents are going to drive you home later!"

"My parents will come if I ask them."

"But - Ellie!"

"What?!" Ellie stopped now and looked over at Josie, angry eyes and rigid back. "What Josie?!"

"Ellie." Josie sucked in some air and tried to forget the last ten minutes. "Elle, those two girls with Paula. Those were Debbie and Liz."

Ellie immediately recognized the names as Josie's two best friends from school. For a moment, Ellie felt sorry for Josie.

"I'm sorry Jose." But then she was mad again. So what? So you sell out your friend on a doorstep, so your friends sold you out for the girl behind the door. You're no different! But she was quiet.

"I'm sorry too, Ellie." Josie started to walk again. "Let's just go home. I'm not really in the mood to sell these bars anyway."

Ellie didn't argue. She wasn't either. She felt bad for Josie, but she still wanted to go home. She'd seen it coming for a long time, but today was just solid proof. Josie and Ellie were changing, and not together. They didn't like the same music (Josie taped songs of the radio, Ellie listened to whatever her mom had tuned in), and they didn't have much to talk about (Ellie: the funny thing that happened in choir this week, Josie: boys). They had good memories, but they were no longer making new ones. Ellie didn't articulate all of that now, but later, when she'd see Josie at church or randomly at a football game, she'd think about what they used to have and what they had now (nothing but the memories). And even later than that, after high school and into college when they'd both be at church for Thanksgiving break and Christmas, they'd sit together and express to each other that they wish they'd been friends. Josie would run her hands through her beautiful hair and say she wished that she hadn't cared so much about stupid people and stupid things, and Ellie would say she wished she hasn't given up so quickly on their friendship.

Life isn't smooth and as simple as we always want it to be, but it's real and its hard and cranky sometimes, and that's okay too. Ellie invited Josie to the party in October, and Josie asked Ellie to stop by when she is home this weekend. Just because they screwed it up in middle school and high school doesn't change the future either. Things are good, as good as they should be, and Ellie smiles to herself now about the fight in front of Paula's house. I still don't understand why eleven-year-olds care about getting a zit or two in the balance of chocolate.